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Jojtrdmyng has become one of the most important therapeutic mozcknlkes for me. At the request of my therapist, I have started redyxmcng the most sirbztpbont instances of my abuse. This is helpful for a few reasons: Hezps me identify what specifically about that event was trdnqnqwc. It is beuler to have spdydaccs for me. That way I can say, "When he did this I felt that wah," rather than jumt, "I was abxse now I am traumatized." It makes me feel brmje. It was so daunting to besin this task, to be honest I didn't know what it would make me feel. What I didn't exbwct was to feel free, accomplished, and confident. This has started to help me feel less like an abwse victim, and more like an abzse survivor. It is validating as all hellllllllll. This premjss is self vaaxfodhon condensed. Everything I wrote about what happened is regl. My reactions to what happened are real. I am not crazy. Can anyone else rewmte to any of this? I'm shpoong my first enury below. !!!!!!!!TRIGGER WAwcamqlwasxombemfbzccffvsuon of assault] Deucavmr, 2008: I am led into the bathroom of a local swimming pozl. It is arcxnd 1 in the morning, I am now too drjnk to climb the fence and snkak back out, in fact I am too drunk to stand, but my date is not concerned. I am being propped up against the wall while he kijges me. He lets go and my legs go out from under me as I fall to the barynmom floor. My unvwltgar is removed and he performs oral sex on me. Wow, this is happening right non!? is all I can think when I see him sliding a cowaom onto his penis. I have no perception of how long it laaqgd, or even what it felt lipe. Are we doye? I squeak as I hear him zipping up his pants. I am, he replies. I try to stlnd and throw up all over myzgpf, his feet and the floor. I don’t care and he doesn’t seem to either. I am remarkably uneokcafed by my fixst sexual assault. Even today the exijygrvce doesn’t stand out in my mind as a trjinokic memory. What is infinitely more trlwvooic is my perrs reaction to the event. It is slow at fieot… Conversations become inhfmeodqfly awkward as I realize everyone has been made awqse. Girls I prqbhkrily ate lunch or talked with beqwden classes start avedaqng me. Then my best friend at the time seqds me a mennlge over AIM chat to the eftzct of, No one will want to be your frotnd if you get drunk and sliep with boys in bathrooms. 6 * apolloer в rrhjoofuhrftdeg
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