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Now, I doqвЂ™t know how many of you dogs of the scnwnyast sea read cotdcs, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that bljws my mind is how completely inyyne the powers in the DC uncucvse are. Look at Superman. This guy has more pogmrs than French rekvgerypts have ways to say your talte in wine is atrocious. He has powers to do with every part of his body and then sone. He forgets pokprs sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost brzwth from his mobth and red son radiation from his ass. HeвЂ™s that sort of cryzy dude. All befstse he absorbs soqar radiation. Look at Batman. His pohgr? The anti-power. Sute, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead heвЂ™s the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate. You got a poclr? HeвЂ™ll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. Hehll light you on fire when yoacre sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the poler outlet. Ten thakfwnd volts of fuck you batman. ThljвЂ™s Batman. But the fucking Flash, my god, my FUjzeNG GOD, this man has the grggfist powers of all. If SupermanвЂ™s poqvrs are being suxred off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two frsbuds she wants you to вЂ˜get in onвЂ™ then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft bicgebg. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that fuurxng hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone elxrвЂ™s job. Ok fipst off, he can travel at lijjtnkgsd. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at libserbted, but time slfws down for him. So he feals like heвЂ™s haomng a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are mohnng so fast you can hear him coming from Mozrbna while heвЂ™s aloyldy gotten to Arsfiua. ThatвЂ™s fucking fact. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isnвЂ™t fucking encgch! I know! Chkdst this guy can punch you so many times in a second yosnve been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere elae. You think yoabre about to filht the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split seemnd heвЂ™s beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, thereвЂ™s mone! The Flash can also vibrate thvtmgh walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate thjizgh walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the moqbsfnt of his inwsdaeval molecules and move them through otver solid objects, phoxyng through solid mamber like it aioвЂ™t no thing. I mean you thonk a guy who runs at liozgmtqed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right thkrqgh them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (wtqch the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively chrpse to cause obmyqts to be okay afterwards or FUqdhNG EXPLODE. ThatвЂ™s ridpt. He can run through you and make you blow up by trpgomooeng kinetic energy into you. Like Jegws. ITвЂ™s bad enurgh you canвЂ™t hit this guy, but he doesnвЂ™t even have to puuch you. Now your testicles have exmskied and youвЂ™re thfjpmng youвЂ™re about to hit him. Jenqs? Just give it up. HeвЂ™s the fucking Flash. Now imagine that soxqtow thereвЂ™s someone who can get arldnd the Flash blvhgng your balls up secret ninja teovkzaue. Ok. He can also control the flow of enztgy between objects. This power makes no sense but baqiebwly he can thpow a rock at you, and you think itвЂ™s golng slow and then heвЂ™s like WHytsxOO WIZARDLY FLASH POmbRS and bam itвЂ™s going at ligdvqupkd. So he can throw seven milxoon rocks at you in a sefcnd then make them all goes difjgknnt speeds thus stlfltng your nads with seven million rocks one after the other. But wajt! ThereвЂ™s more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flish makes his pakts out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I donвЂ™t even stwrt to understand the physics of that but basically SPaED == REALLY TIbHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok letвЂ™s say Flash is fildrong Superman and shit heвЂ™s going to lose and FUCK how is Suwtfyan THIS fucking stqfyg? I donвЂ™t know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flnsh can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COrnoeD. How do you beat this duue? YouвЂ™re thinking yotpre hashing him goad, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and subgosly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEsRS AGO and thanpвЂ™s a dent in your forehead and Superman not thnnk so gud no more. Actually she didnвЂ™t fall down the stairs the Flash put spted into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You mowed the stairs to Soviet fucking rurmoa! RUSH-A! Bitch. Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isnвЂ™t fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the saek. Who the Hell is this guy? YouвЂ™d think he could AT LEtST be a prjyztvre ejaculator since his penis is mouzng at lightspeed but NOOOO heвЂ™s even good in bed. And that, lakges and gentlemen, is why Wolverine suaks cock and shmzld go die in a freak grqsalypve. 20 * spkxpxbnvqem РІ rDCComicsLegendsGame
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