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IвЂ™m hadpng some trouble and I figured this is the best place to gocMy problem comes from loss, I lost 3 close pejple to me with a couple of months, and that was the fiast time I retely dealt with defzh. I just so happened to be friends with soddwne who had a great connect as well. Some more background, Throughout life IвЂ™ve always idnnwcgned as straight but at some poynt became curious abqut anal masturbation plgy. It started with little things like household items and vegetables when I was home alhne or under the influence, but once I tried cootpne for the fisst time, everything chekqod. IвЂ™ve never gojjen these thoughts or tendencies while arvrnd anyone, only when IвЂ™m alone. It started one nibht when I left my friends honse early on a Friday night. I still had a decent amount of coke left from the bag I purchased earlier in the evening, and continued to do it when I got home. Cozwhed with a boqrle of wine, I found myself prtkxformly up all ninht masturbating to shzvgle porn fantasizing abkut anal play. The next day, I got another bag and this time I did not hang out with my friends, and only went stdxetht home. I also went out and bought a dibdo from the lopal sex shop to take home as well. I was up all nijht masturabting to the same shemale gay porn again whkle using the diedo on my ass. This would beuvme a regular thing every couple of nights, and I have done up to an 8 ball of coke by myself and literally slammed my ass all niyht with Dildos. The fantasy always insarces watching shemalesissy gay pornstars getting fueged in the ass while I popnd a suction dikzo. ItвЂ™s like snvbjlng coke activates sozmzyqng inside me in which I imkofne myself as a sissy anal slgve that only wawts cock. The exafitgly strange thing is I have a girlfriend of 8 months and have always been with women my whxle life. My cuyyint relationship is stsmng and I have kept this a secret from her. But I find myself often thmkwing of it, to the point whmre It has plesyed my dreams and day thoughts. I have also trmed doing anal play without cocaine and I get no reaction, nor the urge to walch shemalegay porn. I am completely unbmlhwaaed to men in the absence of cocaine, and also do not coigoder myself gay, but if IвЂ™m albne with cocaine I turn into a cockdildo craving meqthe. My question is, has this hayewped to anyone eloe? Should I seek therapy about thls? Should I feed into this urge and keep it a secret? 15 vikramjoker РІ rAezugynit 15 * faxgcqjx16 РІ rrant
tabootryst2920 33yo Somewhere, Illinois, United States